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Divorce is Final 8/21/2002 – “Ranchy” Version

So, I know many of you are just curious as hell. So, here is the whole story.
I met My Ex at a time in my life when I had given up on women all together. Don’t ask; you don’t want to know.
I was drunk at a party and I apparently was nice to her while her boyfriend at the time was puking and insisting that she take care of him. 1) JERK. 2) Be a Gentleman about it. So, I, and a few others, kept her in the house on the couch while he played the pity fiddle.
She broke up with him… she had wanted to for years but couldn’t for some reason. We started going out and hanging out a week after they broke up. We weren’t dating. It was just a rebound fling.
About a month into it, I realized that she liked women. I asked her about it while riding in the car, “You like women, don’t you?” She only nodded. Over the next month we talked about it. I figured it was over and the fling was through and she, once she admitted it, would find a nice woman to hook up with. WRONG. She wanted to keep seeing me. I suppose because I ‘saw’ her and didn’t hate her for it.
Well, we stayed together. (Me being Stupid and not heeding the signs)
Later, we were getting more and more serious. I started to get frustrated with the lack of sensual attention. But, she said, it was only because she was in college and things would get better once we could spend more time together.
At one point, I can’t remember how soon after we started dating; we were out with all my friends at a bar. My Ex was being hit on by this sleazy guy… greasy looking, rat-faced, ugly dude. She thought he was “smooth” and comment on it to her cousin. When I went up to ask her to dance or talk to me, she suggested that I dance with this horrid woman who was barefoot in the bar. I was totally humiliated in front of all my friends. She had broken a rule. I never forgave her for that, I suppose. I did continue to see her though. (STUPID BOB)
Later, I wound up going to Texas to see Monkshadow’s Mom. While there, Monk’s Mom asked me about My Ex and I told her. She said, “You know, she is not the one.” When a wise woman tells you that you are walking the wrong path, pay attention.
I was beginning to get a bit worried, about our relationship. My Ex kept assuring me that things would get better and that she would work on things.
She once told me that she knew she could not be everything to me, and I could not be everything to her. That is when the Idea of Polyamoury came into the picture. She wanted to be with women and me. Hey, a Three-way is every man’s dream. So, yeah, I could accept that. (I shut down parts of me without realizing it)
My Ex had a relationship with a woman she met working at Silver Star Casino. I had my own fling with an older woman who thought she could easily seduce a younger man. After I had proven that I knew the game and was better at it than her, I fucked her like she wanted. She was a lot better in bed than My Ex.
My Ex got a bit upset at that one nightstand. Even though she was having her own little affair. Of course, I may be getting my times confused. I’m not good with time.
Anyway, one thing that really got me happened. On New Year’s Eve, My Ex had to work at the casino. I asked her repeatedly to come by and see me when she got off work for our new year’s kiss. I waited until 3:00 in the morning. She went to see her girlfriend and didn’t come see me. I broke up with her. She cried a bit… told me that I didn’t have to do that. That she would break it off with her girlfriend. She wanted me more. (BULLSHIT, Bob. Ignored another neon sign) I never forgave her for that either, rules broken. I did, however, continue to see her.
Sex and affection was still a problem, even after that. I would get very very frustrated and only after I had complained three times or more would we have sex. Then I felt like it was just to get me to shut up. Even though I had her cumming repeatedly when we did have sex. Occasionally she would just not be up to it and would stop it in the middle. (I try so hard not to be bitter)
I said affection was a problem because. Well, it was. She was not a very affectionate person, even at home. She would jump any time I would touch her. She didn’t like me caressing her for no reason. She had to be in the mood and initiate anything sexual or affectionate. Which rarely happened.
I skipped ahead there… sorry.
Well, four or six years into this, I figured I’d better propose already. I did. You know, sex and all will get better once we’re married and can live together. More time together, more opportunity for cuddling and affection and sex. The wedding, I must say, was great. Almost exactly like I wanted.
On the honeymoon, we had our palms or tarot cards read by this woman on the square. Honeymoon was in New Orleans, btw. She went on about how we were each going to meet someone special and how it would be soon…. she seemed surprised to discover we were married. (WARNING – people who read folks for a living not knowing you’re an item is BAD OMEN)
After the honeymoon, things were all right for a while. We got a place of our own and cleared the land around it. Got computers and networked them. Played on the Internet.
The Polyamoury thing wasn’t going to well, because I couldn’t find a nice quiet affair on the side while working all the time. I wanted to move to Jackson with more jobs and opportunity. She said she was going to stay in Louisville, didn’t want to more. I moved to Jackson for a job when my job played out in Louisville. I thought she might follow me shortly, but no. She rarely came to visit. I had to drive back to Louisville to see her. The job here played out and I went back to Louisville. This was when I started having real problems with things. Just before I started work in Jackson.
I finally told her that the frustration and lack of affection and the fact that no one could tell that we were together in public was getting to me rather badly. She HAD to work on it somehow. I tried watching porno together, suggested going to kink stores together, I asked about different things to try…. I tried out a three-way with her and another woman.
Then, after she failed to make any progress, I told her that She was KILLING me and I couldn’t take it anymore. That a part of me was dying.
Well, things kept getting worse. I had shut down that part of me that was passionate. It was bottled up and dying. Becoming as cold as she was. I was considering divorce just to save myself; she obviously was not going to work on it.
Then, I happened to be unable to resist the urge to attend a meeting in Jackson. I met Elavyn. She awoke the passion again. She called to it. She called to the wolf in me. She kindled recognition of Other.
Monkshadow was attracted to her, though. I couldn’t pursue anything.
Eventually, it became obvious that she did not return the attraction to Monkshadow. After she told him that she considered him like a distant Cousin, I knew that it was clearly not going to happen.
We attended Celtic Fest together and that is when I knew I was in trouble with this one. I loved her, and I knew it. We had been together many times before and I recognized it for certain that day.
She was the last push in the decision to leave My Ex. When I told My Ex that I wanted a divorce, she was shocked. I reminded her of all the times I had told her I was frustrated and something had to change and then reminded her of when I told her she was KILLING me. She said, get this, she said to me, “I didn’t think it was that bad.” Me dying wasn’t bad.
Then later, we were having another talk, she said that she was sad because now she would have to cook and mow the yard and do anything that needed to be done. I was a freaking’ servant to her, obviously. BTW, She never tried to stop the divorce, she never said she wanted me back or anything. She just said once that she knew what she was losing.

I knew that I could not give Elavyn a second billing. She COULD be everything to me, and I could be everything to her. Something I realized that I wanted all along. Elavyn and I are the same, yet individuals. We understand each other and have more to learn from each other. There is no more hole, no more void inside me, for she fills it.

I suppose that is the end of this rant…

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