I’m not sure who or what is in control of my life right now, but I am fairly certain, for better or worse, it is not me.
If it were up to me, right now, I would be living in the Saint Louis, MO area, enjoying a more social life, pagan shops, comic book shops, role playing games (pen and paper), board games, liquor in grocery stores and all kinds of nice things not found in my current state. I would be dating a good, fairly amazing, woman.
For whatever reason, I have been unable to find a company that will hire me – lack of college degree, no certifications, whatever reason – despite my skills and years of experience actually doing the job.
Now, I am fairly well stuck, due in no small part to an accrued debt load. I, we, made purchases and plans based on an expected fiscal influx that, despite assurances, never came through. So, now, even with assets in my favor, I am afraid that it will still be months before I am somewhat secure.
I am in the habit of expecting things to happen on my timeline – which is a lot more quick and efficiently than they actually do. Many other people seem to be just lethargic in everything they do – walking, working, etc.
I am being forced to slow down, be patient, be alone and have nothing to do but think and reflect. Yep, this stinks.
So, now I am thinking there had better be something good to come out of this. The good woman I referred to earlier has stopped communicating with me because I am not in Saint Louis yet…. through no fault of my own that I can see.
I have found, quite possibly the root of some of my health issues and am working on getting treatment – although that is also going too slow and too frustrating for my tastes. I am depending on others to get it resolved, but… slow.
Every time I start planning for what will happen when x gets done, I have to stop and remind myself that the people who need to get x done don’t ever seem to have any motivation to do so and it will take for frikkin ever to get done.
… I just wish I could take over and get it done… but, honestly, I don’t know how.
… and then, I have to work – but no place I need to go to to get stuff done is open after I get off work, or before I get to work. So, I have to take off work to get anything started, much less done.